Monday, June 28, 2010

Maybe August?

So when I went in for the methotrexate injection on May 11th, my OB told us to wait 3 months to try again. That, to me, was almost as worse as losing the baby. But I understood that if this med is still in my system and I get pregnant again, it could cause birth defects. After a close call this cycle, Brian and I talked about it more today. After thinking about things, here is what I have concluded... the injection was May 11th, so three months would be August 11th. AF just left and if I have a "normal" cycle, I wouldn't see her again until the end of July. That then puts my O to be at least the middle of August. So if I were to conceive then, the risk of something going wrong due to the med is pretty unlikely.

I know some may be concerned that we are rushing things or not giving enough time before we just move on. Or that I am not fully listening to the advice of my OB. I would never intentionally do something to risk the health and well-being of our child. Trust me, when I have my f/u appt July 13th, this will be question at the top of my list to ask her. And considering everything, I don't see a reason why she wouldn't agree.

These past two years have been the most trying of my life. We bought our dream house and got married within two weeks of the other! We started TTC the next months and got lucky very early on. The first loss was Earth-shattering not only for us as individuals, but also our marriage. At one point, I wanted to throw in the towel. I was done!! But luckily, counseling saved our marriage. And it took until January 2010 to get back to a place where we felt like we could TTC again. Only to go through the pain of another loss four short months later. In this aspect, I am not sure I believe the saying of, "its better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all." I know I am fortunate to have the ability to get pregnant. But the pain of losing something so innocent and precious is bitter and cold to the soul.

I hope I didn't offend anyone reading this and I apologize if I have.

Friday, June 25, 2010

A Little of This & That

So I didn't get time to write my Thankful Thursday post, but this week I am thankful that AF arrived and my body is working as it should. I have to say charting is amazing and am so glad I can see whats going on by just taking my temp every morning! I am also very thankful that the severe weather WI has experienced this past week didn't result in any fatalities!

I am so glad its Friday!!! I worked Sunday, so this is day 6 and I am SO ready for the weekend. And the best part is that we don't even have any plans. I LOVE weekends like that!! Maybe we will go see a movie or something. I'd love to have a date day/night in Madison :-) But we will see. I know the house needs to be cleaned and we have some shopping to do as well.

I have my f/u appt scheduled with my OB July 13th. I am hoping everything will go well and then she will schedule my HSG. I am a littler nervous about that since I hear mixed stories. Some say its very painful, while others say its nothing worse than AF cramping. I am just looking for there to be nothing blocking my tubes and to ensure everything is "normal."

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Thankful Thursday

I truly have something to be thankful for today. I had my HCG (beta) drawn this morning and called in the afternoon for the results. I was praying for a ZERO since last week's was 4.6 ... per the OB nurse, "Its less than 0.1, so you are done." Not exactly zero, but I think its as close as anyone could get! Of course my OB is out of the office until Monday, so I will have to wait until then to set up my follow up appt. And we will see what she wants to do next.

Today, I am also thankful for a few wonderful women that I have come to know from the Bump! A number of them are pregnant and I am so fortunate to have them share their pregnancy with me! Thankful that each and every day, their babies are growing! I have a couple ladies that are still going through the TTC journey with me, and I couldn't be here without you!!!! Having someone that knows how it feels every month to be disappointed when AF shows up. And gets just as excited for you when you have a "pretty looking chart," even though we all know it doesn't mean jack most of the time. So from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU ALL! You all are truly remarkable women and I am so glad I have met you!

"Its the friends we meet along life's road who help us appreciate the journey."

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Thankful Thursday

For my 1st Thankful Thursday post, I have to praise my husband. He has gotten me through SO much over the years, especially with both losses. He's a wonderful husband... last night I was trying to figure out this blog stuff and he asked me to come outside before it got dark. I said I would... ten minutes later he asked again, so I came up.... to find he had mowed "I love you" in our backyard! It was the sweetest thing he's done for me!

I also am so thankful for wonderful friends. I have a few IRL that are always there for me, and I treasure them. And now I am growing this new group of friends that I've never even met. The Bump site has really been a blessing to me. I've come to know some AMAZING women from this site. A couple, it seems like I have known them forever and can tell them anything. Its unreal how connected you can feel to women miles and miles away. I have three that are pregnant right now and am SO thankful to be sharing their journey with them. One amazing woman has been through so much recently, and I wish she lived closer so I could be more support for her. I have to say that even with losing two babies, I am truly blessed! Its people like these that makes the hard days bearable!

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

This made me cry....

Back to the charting board...

So I decided to start temping and charting again last weekend. I am actually thankful that I did. My temp was still high as of Saturday and has dropped significantly since then (below my "normal" coverline). So if its any indication, I am thinking my HCG level is back to zero!!!! I wanted to get betas drawn today, but figured since the last one was last Thursday, that I should give it the full week just to make sure! I have to say though, I enjoyed the mornings of not setting the alarm to temp. Now just need to order the OPKs and I will be all set. Even though we are TTA until Sept, I think I am going to like this approach. I don't see the point in going back on the pill for less than 3 months and then off again. Plus, it gets me in practice of doing all of this again! Hopefully 3rd time's the charm for us!

Saturday, June 5, 2010

My first entry....

First I want to say hello and thanks for taking the time to read this. I had thought about starting one of these for a while now, and decided since its a rainy Saturday evening, I would give it a shot!

A little info about me.... my name is Marissa. I am a dietary manager at a nursing home and really love my job! I have worked with the elderly all my life and have great respect for them. I married the love of my life, Brian, on September 27th, 2008. We had decided we were ready to start a family, so the following month I went off the pill. We were excited to find out at Thanksgiving, that Brian's only sibling was expecting! We couldn't be happier for her and to have a niece/nephew on the way! On December 16th, I had decided to run to Walgreens before work to get a pregnancy test. How shocked was I for it to come up "Pregnant." I showed all of my co-workers and called Brian at work! The following week, it was rainy and very icy. I was almost to work and ended up in a car accident. The car was totaled and I was ok, but insisted on going to get checked out. Since I wasn't far enough along, the ER doctor told me that there was no way of knowing if the baby was ok or not. And even if I were to miscarry, there would be no way of knowing if the accident caused it or not. I felt find and had no complications.

January came and I had my first appointment at my 8 week mark. My mom and Brian were both there with me. After the exam, we went into the ultrasound room. I was so excited to see our baby. Only to see an empty sac. The baby was gone. I was devastated! We decided to let me miscarry naturally instead of have surgery. I went in for weekly betas... and as of April, it stalled at 12. So I needed the D&C anyways to prevent an infection.

It was a LONG, emotional road to get back to TTC for Brian and I. But we finally made it and decided in January 2010 we would give it another shot. I found where I learned about charting, temping, CM, and OPKs. I also have made some REMARKABLE friends that will be in my life for a LONG time, I hope. The months went on and I started to get more and more discouraged. Then it happened again!

April 26th, I took a FRER and saw two beautiful lines! I was so thankful, but again... very scared of history repeating itself. I had my first betas drawn that week and were 26 and 62, which were low but it did double! The following week it was only 84 and the ultrasound showed nothing. My OB diagnosed it as a tubal pregnancy. I was given an injection of methotrexate to dissolve the pregnancy to prevent the tube erupting.

So here we are, in June and still waiting. September 1st, our TTC journey begins again and I am praying for a miracle. In the mean time, I am going to enjoy my summer and wonderful family/friends! Sorry for the long entry.... and thanks for reading!