Watch out....

The side effects from Clomid is making me a not-so-nice person at times! I have had 1 day each cycle so far where I am just a mess. I cry for NO reason, am very snapping at others, and just want to give up on this whole TTC stuff. Even my co-workers get worried about me when I am like this. I am usually a very smiley, bubbly person, and dread this mood change. I feel so bad for those around me, but I can't control how I feel.

I am waiting to O right now, and getting anxious. I just want to see a +opk and a nice temp shift. Then I know that I have done what I can for this cycle and just hope that it ends with a BFP!

Christmas is right around the corner. I am so overly grateful for my wonderful husband, family, and friends! I wouldn't have made it this far without each person that is in my life. I am truly blessed! Happy Holidays!!!

Onto the Next Cycle

Well Clomid did its job, but without a BFP ending this time. I am grateful it worked so well and am hopeful for the next cycle! I had a mini-meltdown last week. Two years ago at Christmas time, Brian and I got to announce for the first time that we were expecting. Little did we know that the baby was already gone. Its amazing how one day can change your life forever. So I had a "dream" of being able to do the same this Christmas. But that will have to wait for another time. I am scared that the Clomid worked this time, but may not the next. Or what if it I don't get KU on it at all, and have to talk IUIs or IVF. We can't afford that. Ugg, the stress of TTC.

For now, I am grateful for my husband, family, and friends! And on a much happier note, I am officially down 10.6 lbs!!!! Take that, OB! I can't wait to go in to see her again and show her how much I have lost so far. Have a great day!

It Worked!!!!

The Clomid has done it's job! I have gotten +opks for the past three days now! And today is only CD14 :-) I am skeptical on getting pregnant on the first try with this medicine, but anything could happen, right? Only time will tell now.

Thanksgiving is just around the corner and I have so much to be thankful for! I have a wonderful husband whom I am so grateful for each and every day I wake up next to him. I have a supportive circle of family and friends that I don't know what I'd do without. And I cannot forget my Bump friends. The women of this site are truly amazing and inspire me to keep going. I have a few really CLOSE friendships that have come from this board and I am very thankful for them in my life. I hope someday I get to meet them in person, and with our babies as well!!! If I don't get to writing before Thursday, have a wonderful Thanksgiving!!!!

A New Start

Well after a 55 day cycle, Provera has brought on AF! So very thankful to see red today!!! I haven't seen AF since Sept 14th! Hopefully with the help of Clomid, this cycle will be MUCH shorter. Bring on...

Brian and I had such a great time at the Packers vs Cowboys game last night. Sad its the last game of the season for us, but I guess its ok since the games are only going to get colder and colder!!!

I am happy to report that I have lost 5.2 lbs so far!!! And eating better has really made me feel better. Cutting the carbs has not been easy, but I am doing alright. I still allow bread/potatoes once in a while, but very limited. And my clothes are actually starting to feel loose. It is such a great feeling to know I am getting healthier. I think Brian is even losing a few lbs himself, even though he doesn't always like the diet.

New Plan

I had my OB appt today to discuss my long cycles and what is next. After she asked me a couple of routine questions and looking over my information, she concluded that my main issue is my weight. I have been heavy most of my life and have been battling it constantly. The past two years have been so tough on me, that I am not surprised I have gained a lot of weight. But it is no excuse. She mentioned the possibility of having PCOS, but never really went into detail with me on it. Her first recommendation was to join Weight Watchers, and come back in 6 months to see where I am at. I broke down in tears. We have been TTC for over two years now. The idea of waiting another 6 months to start trying was not even conceivable to me. She said if I was not wanting to wait, that she would prescribe me the Provera to end this cycle and the Clomid for the next, but made it clear that my weight loss needs to be my #1 focus. Tonight was my first day of Provera. Cannot wait for this cycle to be over! Clomid starts on cycle day #3 next cyle.

So this is where I am at. I have not decided if I am going to or can even afford the Weight Watchers program, but I do know that I need to make lifestyle changes! It was a good thing we hadn't done grocery shopping is 3 weeks.... this helped giving me a "blank slate" when it came to what I have in my house to eat. So I bought a LOT of fresh fruits and veggies! I am determined to lost weight. It was hard to hear what my OB had to say today, but in a way, it opened up my eyes to my future. I want to be a mother. So in order to have a better chance of having that, and to be healthier for myself and the baby, I will do everything I can to lose this weight. One day at a time!

Plan for Moving Forward as We Look Back....

I still have no progress on the ovulation front, so I called my OB's office. I have an appt scheduled for Oct 26th to discuss Provera (if I haven't O'd by my appt) and starting Clomid next cycle. This cycle has been so stressful, not only because my body is delayed, but with work as well. Once I got off the phone with the OB nurse, I felt such relief. We have a plan now. And that makes the negative opk tests that much more tolerable. Let me tell you, I have gone through so many this cycle already, I should invest in their companies. But I have backed off and am only taking 1 a day from now on. I am still temping and if I happen to get a +opk then we will still try.

Now to the sad. Today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. It just so happens that Brian and I are both off today. It's nice having him home with me on a day like today. I think of my angels every day as I put on my necklace with their birthstones on it. I was their mom the moment those two pink lines came up on the test. And the love we felt for them will never fade away. To my babies, your Mommy and Daddy love you so much. We never wanted anything more than we wanted you. Even though we never held you, we loved you. Even though we never seen you on an u/s, we saw you in our dreams. And even though we never heard your heart beating, we hope you felt the love we had for you from the very beginning.

To those that have lost, I am truly sorry. The pain never goes away. And we will never forget. In honor of those babies gone too soon......

No June Baby....

For some reason, my body is deciding to stall and not ovulate yet. Its reminding my of my June cycle this year where I didn't ovulate until CD 37. Right now I am on CD 26. Even if I ovulate soon, my EDD would be in July. I am going to call my OB if I have not O'd by next Friday. I am thinking I may need Clomid. For those who aren't familiar with the drug, it helps women ovulate. Mostly for those who just don't period, but it is also given to women to help regulate cycles as well. It may be all my body needs to even out. But I will ask her what she recommends and go from there. Even though this is only our second cycle officially trying again, October marks the two year mark of when we decided to start trying. Come on body of mine, COOPERATE!!!!


I want to thank everyone that has been with me through this process. I have said this before, but I am truly blessed to have such wonderful family and friends! Even those friends that I have never met in person. So from the bottom of my heart....