Monday, June 28, 2010

Maybe August?

So when I went in for the methotrexate injection on May 11th, my OB told us to wait 3 months to try again. That, to me, was almost as worse as losing the baby. But I understood that if this med is still in my system and I get pregnant again, it could cause birth defects. After a close call this cycle, Brian and I talked about it more today. After thinking about things, here is what I have concluded... the injection was May 11th, so three months would be August 11th. AF just left and if I have a "normal" cycle, I wouldn't see her again until the end of July. That then puts my O to be at least the middle of August. So if I were to conceive then, the risk of something going wrong due to the med is pretty unlikely.

I know some may be concerned that we are rushing things or not giving enough time before we just move on. Or that I am not fully listening to the advice of my OB. I would never intentionally do something to risk the health and well-being of our child. Trust me, when I have my f/u appt July 13th, this will be question at the top of my list to ask her. And considering everything, I don't see a reason why she wouldn't agree.

These past two years have been the most trying of my life. We bought our dream house and got married within two weeks of the other! We started TTC the next months and got lucky very early on. The first loss was Earth-shattering not only for us as individuals, but also our marriage. At one point, I wanted to throw in the towel. I was done!! But luckily, counseling saved our marriage. And it took until January 2010 to get back to a place where we felt like we could TTC again. Only to go through the pain of another loss four short months later. In this aspect, I am not sure I believe the saying of, "its better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all." I know I am fortunate to have the ability to get pregnant. But the pain of losing something so innocent and precious is bitter and cold to the soul.

I hope I didn't offend anyone reading this and I apologize if I have.

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