The past few days, I have noticed myself becoming more and more sad. I think about my two angels everyday... and lately, its been more often. Maybe because our first angel should be turning 1 next month. Or maybe because right now, my body isn't working the way I want it to and we are at a stand-still with TTC. Whatever the reason, I surely need to snap out of this "funk" that I am in. There is a quote that I got in an e-mail at work that is really sticking with me....
"When God takes something from your grasp, He is not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better."
On one hand, this gives me hope that what was taken from me wasn't for nothing, and that one day we will have our baby in our arms. On the other hand, what was so wrong with my angels that God took them away... in my eyes, there was nothing BETTER than them. Today, for the first time in a couple months, I went in the the "baby room." When I lost the second baby, I put everything baby-related in the closet. I couldn't open the door and see everything. I opening the closet door and the tears started flooding my eyes. I held a couple of the outfits we had bought.
Now I am at work, and all I can think about is how much I miss my babies and how cruel the world is for taking something so precious from me.